Skip to main content

IDon'WannaTalkAboudit.


"Dr.— is a very nice man," she says. "You'll like him," she says. "He's going to help you."

Dr.— stabbed me. He drugged me. He washed my mouth out with soap. He stuck things up my butt, messed about with my willy, and called me fat. 

For all the the respect and love that I have for FarmWife, I must say this: She is a TERRIBLE judge of character.

Your groggy friend,
Fenway

Comments

  1. Jenn VozzoMay 21, 2010 at 11:33 AM

    I do not think that you are fat, dear Fenway, and we did try to tell you that Farmwife messing with your willy would be easier and better for you. But, what did the "good" doctor say about your hock? (and, i use the word good in jest). And, why did he wash your mouth out with soap? I hope that you are feeling better soon dear Fenway! Carrots, and Brays from the East coast!

    ReplyDelete
  2. SylviaMay 21, 2010 at 12:04 PM

    he said you were fat?!!! i don't think you're fat. nope..not. at. all. i think you look beautiful! what's the scoop on your leg?

    ReplyDelete
  3. SianMay 21, 2010 at 2:15 PM

    Fenway, I think you are pleasingly plump. I don't like to see anyone or anything's ribs.

    ReplyDelete
  4. UpupaepopsMay 21, 2010 at 6:44 PM

    Fen I think you look "comfortable"

    as in

    I love sitting on this sofa, it is so comfortable

    ReplyDelete
  5. margaretMay 22, 2010 at 7:11 AM

    Ah dear Fenway, this happens to all well-kept equines. Shows how much we love them.
    PS: I just think you are "fluffy". lol
    Hugs
    Maggie

    ReplyDelete
  6. littledogMay 22, 2010 at 8:22 AM

    Oh Fenway, be thankful you are not a human mare. We have to put our feet in evil stirrups that have nothing to do with equine-related tack, and subject our teats to a squeeze-machine.
    So when you are forced to undergo similar indignities, consider it a favor to your family members who care about your health. And definitely whine for extra carrots (you surely deserve them!) when the indignities are all over.
    Still, the "Fat" comment was totally NOT right -you are appropriately glossy and beautiful - please continue to carry a grudge about that!

    ReplyDelete
  7. BuddyMay 22, 2010 at 12:58 PM

    Hay Fenway - wow you had a really bad day didn't you? Today I got the spa treatment. I got a nice bath, my sheath cleaned and my hoofies done - I feel like a new horse - and I'm sure you are feeling much better now that your Willy is all clean!

    Your Fren,

    ReplyDelete
  8. dunewood o'neilMay 22, 2010 at 1:27 PM

    Fenway,
    You are a trouper, but you would have been better off letting FarmWife mess with your privates!
    How is your hock?
    Better wake up from your grogginess soon, as I am getting "knighted" and I want you to attend the ceremony.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Marnie JacksonMay 22, 2010 at 1:29 PM

    I hate to admit any correlation, but I peed with new and tremendous freedom this morning. It was like standing in a waterfall of rainbows.

    My mouth got washed as part of a humiliating dental exam during which they determined that I am as old as a I say I am and that I am chewing as well as I am digesting—that is, with great efficiency. No wonder I am elephantine in my sleek loveliness. I was not "floated," whatever that means, but from the looks of the torture devices on hand I think it was a lucky and narrow escape.

    My hock—the vet was worried about the size and hardness of my thoroughpin. He says that 5 days of 1:1 DMSO and Nitrofurazone applied topically, and an additional two weeks rest, should get us started. FarmWife is to recommence riding in any case two weeks from today, provided I remain sound. We'll see if that makes it better or worse.

    Your recovering friend,
    Fen

    ReplyDelete
  10. dunewood o'neilMay 22, 2010 at 1:57 PM

    Fen,
    Check out your FB page to see the position to assume for sheath cleaning!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Marnie JacksonMay 22, 2010 at 3:45 PM

    Dunewood,
    I saw and I blanched in horror at your proposal. Tell your cat that s/he is a hussy and a wench.

    FB

    ReplyDelete
  12. dunewood o'neilMay 22, 2010 at 8:27 PM

    Fen,
    He actually has alot of fun and never has to be sedated!

    ReplyDelete
  13. dunewood o'neilMay 22, 2010 at 8:29 PM

    ....and his sheath is never dirty!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!

Popular Posts

Here are the Cloud Dog's X-Rays

Here, for your edification, are the X-rays of dear Paisley's leg. There is, apparently, no new break (since his Monday siezure) but there is, of course, a great deal of abnormality caused by years of living with a shortened ulna. His pronounced lameness, the vet says, may temporarily improve. Unlike me, Fenway Bartholomule, poor cloud dog can't expect much in the way of a full recovery.   Not having the $$$$ for surgery to fuse the joint, we are working on making some sort of rigid splint to support the limb and prevent further degeneration. That is, the humans (with their space-age material inventions and their opposable thumbs) are working on making a splint; I am working on giving cloud dog brayful looks of support and encouragement every time he totters into the yard to relieve himself. As always, he fears me (me?!) and keeps his distance.  Ears to you,  Fenway
2 comments
Continued . . .

Vegan Spring Rolls

I, Fenway Bartholomule, am a vegan: of course I only eat plants, not people! My human is too, so I'm sharing my blog with her today so that she can participate in the 2014 Virtual Vegan Potluck ! When you're done perusing the recipe for these delicious spring rolls, click "back" or "forward" for the entire potluck experience! Virtual Vegan Potluck: Spring Roll Appetizers Beautiful? Check. Healthy? Check. Delicious? Check. Easy? Check. Fancy? Check. Quick to clean up after? Check. Vegan? OF COURSE! If you're looking for something portable, colorful, and crowd-pleasing for your next potluck, look no further than these simple vegan spring rolls! The best part? You can substitute ANYTHING. I never make these the same way twice, so play around with cilantro, kale, cabbage, scallions, or whatever you think sounds good! Ingredients Veggie mix: 2 carrots (grated) 4 oz mung bean sprouts 1/3 cup chopped peanuts (raw, or roasted and salted) or ...
11 comments
Continued . . .

2025 State of the Farmlet Address

A red stag photographed by Farmwife in Scotland, from whence the family descends and to where they voyaged in September 2024.  Dear Mules and Countrywomen,  It is my pleasure to report to you today, from my forested vantage point, that the Farmlet is well.  It has been eight years since my family had a Farmlet to report upon, and this one is among the best. It is 25 minutes south of Casa de Bartholomule-Teaspoon, where you may remember the family lived for a time, and situated on the same verdant island. It is 120 minutes south of Bent Barrow Farm, where the ancient rhododendron still blooms and where FenBar's old barn of many colors still stands and shelters farm machinery. This place has rhododendrons, too, encircling a lawn which slopes down to my barn and paddock. We call the barn Hoofhouse, and it is going to be painted black in the spring to match the house and my companion, Puck.  My paddock, by design, does not overlap the lawn but instead winds through a mix...
Post a Comment
Continued . . .

Catastrophy

This is the emergency broadcast system. This is not a test. I was going to entertain you with more haiku today, but something terrible has happened. I need your support. Today was supposed to be a regular spa day—a nice little hoofie trim, a fresh mane roach, an ear massage, and a handful of sunflower seeds (for shine). Instead of merely taking care of my beauty routine, however, FarmWife spent a full hour in contemplation of and attention to my overall physique. The upshot? A revision of my condition from Plump to Obese. (Her actual words, upon removing my blanket for the first time in a few days, were "Oh my God! You've ballooned!") She has decided that my fatness has become a health risk, and has resolved to exercise me as often as possible. It gets dark at 4:30. Her husband gets home at 5:30. She has small children and no sitter. This, my friends, means that I will end up being longed. Longed at the end of a stupid, smelly old rope. Forced to walk and trot...
14 comments
Continued . . .