I like rabbits as much as the next mule—they have good taste in edibles (hay, grass, vegetables) and of course they have those ears! Still, I always thought there were limits to their usefulness around the farm except as lap-warmers or, he…
My barn is coming along
Thanks mostly to FarmHusband and FarmGrandpa, the latter of whom came to visit this weekend, I've got a barn with eight new posts, two new gates, nine new rafters, and a roof.
As for siding, my littlest human wants red painted wood wit…
Who is willing to be my literary advisor?
I need help. FarmWife, you see, is writing a book about Bent Barrow Farm and its residents. She has informed me that there is room for roughly 40 pages of my mulish insight, to be strategically interspersed to lighten the tedium of her hum…
An Avian Interstate
You probably remember that Bent Barrow Farm abuts the Samish Headwaters where a budding river-to-be forms out of converging creeks and seasonal marshland. It's a terribly romantic place to live, especially this time of year. Innis Cre…
The trials and tribulations of authorship
I'm ready to write a book about me, Fenway Bartholomule, and my life here at Bent Barrow Farm. FarmWife, however, says the world isn't ready for another four-legged narration so close on the heels of The Art of Racing in the Rain .…
The plan
This is the plan: in good weather, when FarmWife would rather be riding, she will sit in her office and look out the new window that FarmHusband built for her. I will strategically place myself in the corner of the new barn that FarmHusba…
The baking dilemma
When we bought 175 pounds of organic wheat and a hand-grinder, I envisioned happy years spent baking freshly-ground bread and boiling tender homemade pasta. Here's the dilemma: my kids won't touch homemade whole wheat bread with a …
Dear Butterfly
To whichever far-off butterfly flapped its wings and started the chain reaction which culminated in the disruption of the tradewinds and a cold wind here in Wickersham: fie on you! You've ruined everything.
Last weekend was supposed t…
My Susans
I have four favorite Susans. They are wonderful, each and every one of them. If I could nominate a panel of experts to help me run the world, my Susans would be on it.
Susan #1 is a friend, a professional associate, and a mentor to FarmW…
How we cope
The chickens cope by huddling beside their heat lamp, refusing to set claw outside until the snow is entirely melted. For the first 12 hours of this winter weather, they fasted and threatened to kill themselves of thirst. Luckily, FarmWif…
The Shining
It felt a little like The Shining around here this week—a foot and a half of snow outside, no hope of ever seeing a snow plow on Meredith Lane, and the whole neighborhood glistening like the grounds of the Overlook Hotel. Luckily, we'v…
Family XII: FarmHusband
FarmHusband is a builder of buildings, a rider of bicycles, and a maker of music. He sings and plays the guitar simultaneously, which I find amazing but which the humans tell me is more common than one might think. He is disproportionatel…
Family XI: FarmWife
The main thing you have to know about FarmWife is that I like her rather a lot. I whuffle at her every day, and I don't do that for just everyone. She's got a deaf ear and a bad knee, and if I were buying her I'd run the other…
Family X: B.G.
After Mia, my next heaviest family member is B.G. the mama goat. She is Missy's daughter and the most mischievous of us all if you consider gate-opening to be mischief. She saw FarmWife leave the latch undone once during stall-mucking…
Family IX: The weanling child
My weanling child, who's nearly 12, lives at Bent Barrow Farm part of the time. FarmWife is her mother, and FarmHusband is her stepfather, and she has two other parents as well who occasionally come and scratch me on the nose. Her othe…
Family VIII: Missy, Empress of All the Light Touches
Missy has fallen a couple of rungs on the ladder of superiority here at Bent Barrow Farm—when she arrived, she could steel her small, 80# frame against any assault. She could out-glare, out-hackle, and even outsmart any resident. I came t…
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming with this important message
I know you're dying to hear more about my fascinating family (next, in ascending order by mass: Missy, Empress of All the Light Touches) but today I'd just like to share this exciting tidbit:
It turns out there's an easy, suref…
Family VII: Paisley, the cloud dog
My dog Paisley is shaped like a cloud. That's about all I can tell from this distance—Paisley is terrified of chickens, goats, and mules and has never set paw on our half of this 1.25 acre property! Paisley has no excuse for his fear, …
Family VI: My middlest human filly
If there are two more children in the world as nifty as my littlest human filly, then they are my middlest and biggest human fillies. My middle human filly—Dylann—is famous for her large vocabulary, her fearsome temper, and her beautiful, …
Family V: The smallest filly
My smallest human filly is going to be leaving on the schoolbus this September, but until then she is MINE! She gives the very best hairdos, and she treats my tail like the thing of wonder that it is. She asks to groom the mule almost ever…
Run, Marnie, run!
Will there come a day when running is an enjoyable, exhilarating experience? When the challenge is outweighed by the rewards of increased energy, stamina, and strength? Conventional wisdom says that it takes a certain level of fitness befo…
Family IV: The little tigers
I have two little tigers: Desmond, who outweighs Clover by two pounds, and Townes, who outweighs her by one. They are almost the same except when they are very, very different.
Desmond came from the shelter when he was six months old—the …
Family III: Clover
FarmWife once said that if she was going to be stranded on a desert island with just two pets, she'd want me and Clover. This was a revision of her first statement, which was that Clover would be best because Clover has a smaller appet…
Family II: The chickens
The chickens consist of Chanticleer and his wives (I know, I know . . . that name is a profound failure of originality). They are a strangely homogenous harem, and while each hen has a name of her own we do often go about referring to them…
My family: Part I in a series
This is going to be a series about my family, in case you've forgotten the key players. If you haven't forgotten them at all, this may be a little repetitive. Don't worry, though! We are a FASCINATING bunch of people, my family…
Fun with Quotes
On my 2012 theme—friendship: You can take just about any good quote about friendship and make it better by substitituting the word "friend" with the word "mule" and "friendship" with "muleness." Let&…
You're an ass!
Next time you're tempted to call someone an ass, rethink. Does he, indeed, exemplify the
traits of the humble burro? Ask yourself these questions:
Is he patient beyond measure?
Is he able to be thrifty, making do with little?
Is h…
The word for the year
FarmWife has a human acquantance who has been painstakingly (and painfully) beating cancer down again and again for the last three years. Her adventures have not been easy, or comfortable, and yet she keeps her chin up and her joy alive. …
Big projects call for big sales tactics
FarmWife is all fired up about my shed, but her second trip to the lumber yard reveals that she is tragically over budget. She is, therefore, going to make a FANTABULOUS and UNPRECEDENTED offer in regard to her poetry business! (If all tho…
A lazy day
I passed a lazy day in contemplation of my new gate assembly, which is comprised of every metal gate on the farm, joined together in a train-like configuration in order to temporarily bar me from the shed expansion workzone. It's rathe…
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