Happy leap day!
(That's B.G.'s daughter Briony Bluebell, in case you'd forgotten . . . and yes, her legs are better now. She lives with a family on South Whidbey Island.)
The second best thing in the world
FarmWife is torn about the second best thing in the world, after the friendship of a good mule: is it the great outdoors, or is it cuddling a warm chihuahua?
Option A:
Option B:
The wonderful thing about this dilemma is this: FarmWife can …
Under the wire
We had a splendiferously springy day yesterday, despite waking up to a blanket of snow. My raggedy old hens have been inspired to start laying eggs again, my mama goat is developing an udder despite having been at least 5 miles away from t…
Match the breed/species to the body part!
A little bit of weekend fun for you: match the breed/species to the body part!
A. Googly eyes
B. Huge ass
C. Sparse tail
D. Gigantamundo forelock
E. Roman nose
F. Dinner-plate hooves
G. Tremendous ears
1. Shire
2. Friesian
3. Appaloosa
4. …
Le Spook
Bad news.
I had a fantabulous idea: "FarmWife, take me in a parade! Dye my hoofies green! Dress me up in a thousand gold coins! I will be the treasure at the end of the Saint Patrick's Day rainbow, and every Bellinghamster will re…
What is writing for, anyway?
I was thinking about why I write, or about what I like about writing, more specifically, and I realized it's like making friends. It connects me to like-minded people. To people who are crazy about animals; who understand dry humor; wh…
Grow Northwest
Are any of you interested in the agriculture/gardening/local food scene in the Northwestern Washington State? Do any of you get your carrots, hay, or mules from small farmers, or do any of you want to learn more about growing carrots, hay…
Plenty
There are some things of which we can never get enough, and there are other things of which we have plenty. Now, this is distinct from the category of things we would like none of (though there are such things: contagious diseases, quarre…
Never too many
Since FarmWife is a human, and since many of my dear readers (i.e. YOU!) are humans, I thought I would dedicate some time today to thinking of things that humans can not have too many of. There are many delights in this world, humans, and…
Reprinted from The Brayer, January 2012
The Bold and the Brayful
A column by Fenway Bartholomule
Rest in Peace
I used to have a mule hero. His name was John Henry. He did terribly mulish things—hunting, showing, pulling butcher's carts. He was elegant, tremendous, and nobl…
A ride
A ride: FarmWife needs one.
How elementary school teachers survive the oversight of 20+ seven year-olds for six hours a day—and three times that many at recess—is beyond FarmWife. She is exhausted after a week of escorting her broken daug…
Update #1
It's been a week since my big "make me do it!" spiel, and I'm tempted to offer excuses: my daughter is broken (her tibia, fractured at school on Friday, is in a full-leg cast until April) ; my work is piling up; my house …
The end of the internet
My friend Bif found the end of the internet, and it is even more amazing than you might think!
What I want to know is this: can I have a lion like that? Please? http://www.iamboyfriend.com/2012/02/end-of-internet.html
The cruel impartiality of Father Time
Father Time waits for no mule.
I told the guy, "cut me some slack. I've got this hay to eat, these goats to mind, this grass to trim, this cool refreshing water to drink . . . and, Father, I've got a blog to attend. I can'…
Broken person
I have a broken person here at Bent Barrow Farm. I've only caught glimpses of her—first, being carried from the truck to the house after an emergency call from her elementary school—then, a bit later, being carried from the house to th…
One hoof, two hoof, red hoof, blue hoof
The little humans have developed a fondness for fashion, and I have my suspicions that they will soon eye me with more than just a curry comb in hand.
D: "Can we put purple hair dye on Harriet?"
FW: "No. She might lick it o…
Begin at the beginning. Go on until you reach the end. Stop.
I decided to write a book last month, which sounded like an easy enough thing to do: I love writing, after all, and I love talking and telling stories about me, about my animals, about my people and my home. Think James Herriot/John Katz/…
Picnic report
One thing you can count on—I never lose my head during a picnic. There is just too much at stake! Only an impeccably mannered mule will be allowed an ample portion of the basket's contents, you see. I'm not picky—today, FarmWife r…
Five perpetrators of unbraining
There are three magical and powerful creatures in Wickersham who have the power to instantaneously unbrain a mule—to abscond with his thinking organ—to turn him into a mindless atomoton, capable only of heedless flight. They are, in no pa…
A gentle guiding hand . . . er, mouth
I have a goat infestation, if you will recall, but they generally mind their manners when it comes to staying out of my hay flake, yielding the road, etcetera. Not yesterday, when B.G. had her smelly hard head right in my very own dinner p…
Iota McHippus
I've had a tremendous suggestion from my diminuative peer Iota McHippus —a karaoke duet! I have hardly ever heard a more compelling idea. The accompanying sketch cinched the deal—we MUST sing together. I shall bray, Iota shall neigh, an…
My barn
Disclaimer: safety is relative. These cattle panels would not make suitable interior dividers for a flighty horse, as they could present a leg-ensnarement threat. Since I, Fenway Bartholomule, have never so much as gesticulated with a hind…
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