Today I thought I'd share some of dear Boyfriend's words. He, in all his infinite wisdom, rotundity, and belovedness, is sort of my Horse counterpart. If you haven't met him yet, you must go visit him at www.iamboyfriend.com . …
My Goat
My goat is doing better. She walks like a drunken sailor, but she walks—with a little help from her friends.
Keep braying!
FB
Apologies for my last post
It occurs to me now that I let my inner muse get ahead of my common sense, which tells me that those among my readership who are not facebook users will not be aware of the facts concerning the illness of Missy, Empress of All the Light To…
Missy, Empress of All the Light Touches
We passed a misty, moonish night with Missy lit up in the light of FarmWife's giant flashlight every hour or two.
She's down, but feeling rather bright—she bleating, eating, acting quite content considering that she cannot move.
I…
The Bold and the Brayful, Episode 1
The Bold and the Brayful
A column by Fenway Bartholomule
First published in The BRAYER , July 2010. Reprinted with permission from the ADMS.
My friend Marnie Jones—I call her FarmWife—is lucky, happy, and totally fulfilled. I am particularl…
Whether the weather is cold
. . . or whether the weather is hot, we'll weather the weather, whatever the weather, whether we like it or not.
Here is my blanket, washed and patched in preparation for the Long Wetness. It has a poem in it, which makes it very spe…
A very sad calculator.
Number of animals killed in the world by the meat, dairy and egg industries, since you opened this webpage. This does not include the billions of fish and other aquatic animals killed annually. Based on 2007 statistics from the Food and Agr…
Goin' to the Dogs
The humans went to River Park in Burlington yesterday, ostensibly to see a pumpkin-toss. The trebuchets were interesting, the pumpkins were flying, and the children's fair was wonderful, but as I hear it the single biggest attraction …
Old Computers and Old Friends
So there was the old computer—covered in hoofprints, banged up beyond recognition, glitchy, and prone to overheating. And then there was the new computer, in which we placed our trust and our data. Unfortunately, the new computer has a har…
Delivering Magazines to the Center of the Known Universe
I have a raging cold, a looming deadline, a tired child, a failing laptop, a messy house, and a soggy yard. I also have an incredible sense of awe and wonderment at this world around me: how can I possibly have been so lucky as to have lan…
I am a Shoulder to Cry On; A Listening Ear.
Fenway advises a good friend on how to secure the presence of one's human: http://www.iamboyfriend.com/2010/09/shout-out-to-fenway.html
Ears to you, Boyfriend! Ears to you!
Are You Man, Mule, or Goat?
Sometimes, in these close friendships, two individuals will spend so much time together that their identities mesh; their personalities converge; the lines become blurred. Has this happened to you and your riding partner? Have you lost tr…
And, in the spirit of parody lyrics . . .
A favorite song of mine:
You may find yourself living in a wooden shack
You may find yourself with friends all over the world
You may find yourself towed behind a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful field, with a beautifu…
No Bovine Shall be Permitted Without These Conditions Being Met.
The FarmWife thinks she would like a cow or a steer. The FarmHusband thinks he would like a cow or a steer. Neither of them thinks that now, when vet bills are mounting high and schedules are already overfilled, is a good time for a cow o…
Contest Winners Announced!
The winners of our "How Well Do You Know Fenway Bartholomule" contest have been determined and, wouldn't you know it, first place goes to one of the world's best mules. Give it up for the splendid, the unequalled, the mu…
Rick Roll'd?
Surely, if you've spent enough time on these interwebs, you've been Rick Roll'd . It doesn't have to be a humiliating experience, friends. No—I, Fenway Bartholomule, have invented a way for you to keep your dignity and your…
Amazing things from the internet
Now, you may or may not know that my FarmWife kind of likes the internet. Kind of loves it, even, and uses it to excess during moments of wavering willpower. As much as she loves me, her husband and children, her farm and friends, her rea…
I.P. Freely has left the building
So here's the thing—it turns out that whoever invented goat penises was really not thinking. Without traumatizing you with all the gory details, I'll tell you this: My Jasper Jules found himself, on Wednesday evening, unable to pe…
Homewrecker
Arachnophobes, do not scroll down.
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There—now that THEY'VE left, lets talk about spiders. Anyone who's spent September in rural Western Washington will know our good friend the wolf spider—w…
Cleaning House
I've always loved list making, as if writing things down will get them done (it doesn't). Now I have an iPod touch, so I can write things down without wasting paper (they still don't always get done, but now they beep at me whe…
A Small Betrayal
FarmWife is presently looking after cattle whilst their humans are away. This involves touching the gate, touching the feedroom latch, touching the hose, and touching the hay. It should not involve touching the cattle. It should not invol…
His Minions Abound
Friends, you may recall my run-in with Satan's Chicken last winter. I am lucky to have escaped alive from the encounter—though, thankfully, the Bird of Evil (Exhibit A) was so astounded by my long-eared handsomeness that he was transfi…
R
Did I ever boast to you about R? My youngest child—the third of three contraceptive failures—came at a time when I particularly didn't want to get pregnant, and when Mat and I were particularly ill-prepared, financially, emotionally, a…
Driving lesson update
(special thanks to John Henry and Agnes de Mule for the hunting mule photo. www.john.henry.org)
Surely there are those among you who remember how my FarmWife celebrated her birthday in June 2010—with the arrival of a brand new mule harness…
On the Bit
or Behind it? http://www.behindthebitblog.com/ Normally, the former is preferable. If you're talking BLOGS, though, Behind the Bit is right where you should be. A big bray for Stacey, the BTB proprietor, for
A) allowing our adaptation a…
Win Prizes! Amaze Your Friends!
How well do you know Fenway Bartholomule? Respondants with the most correct answers will be entered into a prize drawing. First place prize—an IOU for a t-shirt, to be honored when they arrive this autumn. Second place prize—a bumper stic…
Quotable Quotes
I've always loved clever or insightful quotes—so much, in fact, that my first truck (a sky-blue Chevy LUV) was covered bumper-to-bumper in them, written upon with Sharpie markers so densely that its appearance from some distance was ch…
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