Public Notice: Mules May Be Beneficial To Your Health

Mule ownership can have its perks—and who knows? It may extend your life, or at least your appreciation of what years you're allotted. Here, for your edification and enjoyment, are five reasons why a longear a day keeps the doctor away, improves your overall well-being, and justifies the expense and trouble of large-animal husbandry.

1) Mules make you smile and laugh. We are funny, endearing, interactive and amusing characters. Studies show that time spent with a pet can boost endorphins, alter mood, and lower blood pressure.  If this can be said for a two ounce parakeet or an eight pound chihuahua, surely a 900 pound mule can offer these benefits and more!

2) We give you a workout without breaking you down. Like horses and cattle, we mules produce many pounds of useful manure every day. This gives you, the humans, the chance to get up and muck out our accomodations—a healthy move in this sedentary modern life! The musculoskeletal and cardiovascular exercise is sure to add years to your life. Unlike horses and cattle, however, we mules know how to manage our manure and keep a clean heap. This means you'll get your daily dose of light work without the risk of repetitive strain injuries that you might have with a slobbier equine. Tennis elbow—or in this case, Manure Fork Elbow—is less of a risk when your animal makes a strategically placed, well-organized and consolidated heap with ideal accessibility and limited sprawl.

3) We grow food, too. See item 2. When composted with straw bedding, our stools are the ideal amendment for a healthy organic vegetable garden! You wanted to eat better? I'll tell you how. Start with plenty of carrots and apples, and don't forget to share!

4) Mules are better than a team-building seminar for improving your interpersonal relationships. We can teach you how to succeed in business and in life: have clear expectations, open communication, and honest and prompt rewards and reinforcements. Respect individual personalities, but maintain sight of your goals. Have patience, persistence, empathy, and a calm, kind, assertive leadership style. Spend more time listening, less time talking. Keep the lines of communication open. Read body language, and know what yours is saying.

5) Mules keep you young. If your passion is climbing on a brilliant, beautiful, half-ton creature and going off into the woods with him, you can't afford to get old. There's too much to live for.

Love,
Fenway