Roach Clips (No, not that kind . . .)

Hello Fenway, my name is Doc and I’m an 8 year old john mule. I recently selected a human named Gerry to be my caretaker and all around man servant. Gerry hasn’t required much retraining and I think I’ll keep him. However, Gerry, a male human btw, has been talking about a “roach clip” lately…and I don’t think he’s talking about something my mom’s human used to employ back in the day. (Mom was an Appy- that explains everything doesn’t it.) Anyway, I’m a little concerned about this roach clip talk as right now I have a mane of about 4-5 inches long. I will admit my coif isn’t very stylish, but I think it has a lovely wind blown, sexy look to it. My human, is somewhat hair challenged and I’m concerned he wants to roach clip me so we look more alike- honestly what can he be thinking! Anyway, I digress, what do you think of this roaching idea?

Oh, I’m attaching a photo of myself, because I’m sure you’d like the opportunity to admire me, please ignore that my human managed to push his way into the photo as well.

Sincerely yours in all things mule,

Doc in Delaware

Dear Doc in Delaware,

I thank you for your question, and I appreciate your candid statements about your Appaloosa heritage and your unfortunate exposure to drug paraphernalia lingo. There is so much about our parents' generation that simply makes us shake our heads.

Regarding hairstyles, Doc, all I can offer you is some photographic evidence of my own transformation. Here, view the before photos (taken during my first week at Bent Barrow Farm, before my first appointment with my stylist). Below that, I've shared some photos of human men wearing similar hairstyles; that is, thin but retaining some length.

For comparison, please scroll down for several images of me, Fenway Bartholomule, after getting a roach. I think you will agree that my topline is flattered by the trim look.

I conclude my argument (which by this point should have been revealed as pro-roach) with some images of human men sporting trim, close haircuts. I think you will agree that they compare favorably to the earlier examples. (That last fellow is particularly adorable and well-styled, I think . . . and look how he loves baby animals!)

Doc, you're a handsome mule in any case and I am sure that you good looks can only be enhanced by the addition of a snazzy roach job. Do consider sending us an after picture if you go ahead with the big trim, and remember . . . hair grows back.

Yours,

Fenway Bartholomule

p.s. It almost goes without saying that women can look very ravishing with a little bit of length, and my guidelines (defined as "sparse hair must be shaved") do not apply to the females of the species'. A couple of examples as to why not are found below—notice that Winona Ryder, a human woman, and Katie Scarlett, my very own Valentine, make up in beauty what they lack in hair volume.

(photos, top to bottom: Fenway pre-roach, near side; Fenway pre-roach, off side; Human, pre-roach, top side; Human, pre-roach, off side; Fenway, post-roach, off side; Fenway, post-roach, near side; Heath Ledger, post-roach, image A; Heath Ledger, post-roach, image B; Denzel Washington, post-roach, image A; Denzel Washington, post-roach, image B; FarmHusband, post-roach, image A; FarmHusband, post-roach, image B; Winona Ryder, with short (but not roached) hair (cute on a girl, no?); Katie Scarlett, short (but not roached) mane, a mane which tangles it's many strands of silken beauty around my heart in an ever-tightening knot of adoration.)

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Here are the Cloud Dog's X-Rays

Here, for your edification, are the X-rays of dear Paisley's leg. There is, apparently, no new break (since his Monday siezure) but there is, of course, a great deal of abnormality caused by years of living with a shortened ulna. His pronounced lameness, the vet says, may temporarily improve. Unlike me, Fenway Bartholomule, poor cloud dog can't expect much in the way of a full recovery. Not having the $$$$ for surgery to fuse the joint, we are working on making some sort of rigid splint to support the limb and prevent further degeneration. That is, the humans (with their space-age material inventions and their opposable thumbs) are working on making a splint; I am working on giving cloud dog brayful looks of support and encouragement every time he totters into the yard to relieve himself. As always, he fears me (me?!) and keeps his distance. Ears to you, Fenway

Continued . . .

Vegan Spring Rolls

I, Fenway Bartholomule, am a vegan: of course I only eat plants, not people! My human is too, so I'm sharing my blog with her today so that she can participate in the 2014 Virtual Vegan Potluck ! When you're done perusing the recipe for these delicious spring rolls, click "back" or "forward" for the entire potluck experience! Virtual Vegan Potluck: Spring Roll Appetizers Beautiful? Check. Healthy? Check. Delicious? Check. Easy? Check. Fancy? Check. Quick to clean up after? Check. Vegan? OF COURSE! If you're looking for something portable, colorful, and crowd-pleasing for your next potluck, look no further than these simple vegan spring rolls! The best part? You can substitute ANYTHING. I never make these the same way twice, so play around with cilantro, kale, cabbage, scallions, or whatever you think sounds good! Ingredients Veggie mix: 2 carrots (grated) 4 oz mung bean sprouts 1/3 cup chopped peanuts (raw, or roasted and salted) or ...

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2025 State of the Farmlet Address

A red stag photographed by Farmwife in Scotland, from whence the family descends and to where they voyaged in September 2024. Dear Mules and Countrywomen, It is my pleasure to report to you today, from my forested vantage point, that the Farmlet is well. It has been eight years since my family had a Farmlet to report upon, and this one is among the best. It is 25 minutes south of Casa de Bartholomule-Teaspoon, where you may remember the family lived for a time, and situated on the same verdant island. It is 120 minutes south of Bent Barrow Farm, where the ancient rhododendron still blooms and where FenBar's old barn of many colors still stands and shelters farm machinery. This place has rhododendrons, too, encircling a lawn which slopes down to my barn and paddock. We call the barn Hoofhouse, and it is going to be painted black in the spring to match the house and my companion, Puck. My paddock, by design, does not overlap the lawn but instead winds through a mix...

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Catastrophy

This is the emergency broadcast system. This is not a test. I was going to entertain you with more haiku today, but something terrible has happened. I need your support. Today was supposed to be a regular spa day—a nice little hoofie trim, a fresh mane roach, an ear massage, and a handful of sunflower seeds (for shine). Instead of merely taking care of my beauty routine, however, FarmWife spent a full hour in contemplation of and attention to my overall physique. The upshot? A revision of my condition from Plump to Obese. (Her actual words, upon removing my blanket for the first time in a few days, were "Oh my God! You've ballooned!") She has decided that my fatness has become a health risk, and has resolved to exercise me as often as possible. It gets dark at 4:30. Her husband gets home at 5:30. She has small children and no sitter. This, my friends, means that I will end up being longed. Longed at the end of a stupid, smelly old rope. Forced to walk and trot...

Continued . . .

BRAYS OF OUR LIVES

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