FenBar's Top Five Dream Jobs

FenBar's Top Five Dream Jobs for Mules and Other Equines:

5. Movie Star.

I could handle some peanut butter on the palate and a piece of thread under my lip if it meant that, in my efforts to dislodge them, I was promoted to international stardom as a "talking" celebrity. I'd love the riches, dames (not that Katie Scarlett isn't woman enough for me!), telephone privileges, and getting to have a say in things like where to go on vacation and how to end the Iraq war.

4. Livestock Guardian.

Assuming the presence of a responsible human herdsman to look after things like hoof care, proper nutrition, and administration of pop tarts and scritchy-scratchies, I would totally dig spending my days grazing in a pastoral meadow with a herd of adorably fluffy little cloud-creatures. Scarin' off a wolf now and then would just be the icing on the cake. (Art by Thomas Sydney Cooper.)

3. Celebrity Blogger.

I'm getting there . . . I'm about 145 fans worth of famous . . . but I sure wouldn't mind kicking this fame thing up a notch. I'm talkin' private jet, $300,000 appearances, guest judging-on-American-Idol kinda famous. That would be swell, and maintaining my dignity through it all would be even sweller. Watch my star rise . . . and I promise you will NEVER catch me turning into some Perez Hilton-esque snark demon.

2. Equine Therapist.

Hmm . . . spending a couple hours a day carrying excited, grateful, awesome people around and helping them gain, independence, capability, strength, and self-esteem in exchange for the priviledge of carrying excited, grateful, awesome people around and helping them gain, independence, capability, strength, and self-esteem . . . not too bad. Then there would be the other 22 hours a day, spent lounging around clean, attractive, safe facilities under the supervision of kind, competent equine professionals and caring volunteers. If you can get in with a professionally run organization, I'd say this would be a career choice to envy. (pictured: Kleng, 2009 NARHA Horse of the Year and a personal friend of my FarmWife.)

1. Recreational Trail Mule/Family Pet.

Lemme see . . . . thrice daily meal delivery? Check. Comfortable paddock and adequate companionship? Check. Loving affection from a beloved mistress? Check. Brain-expanding exercises like "give me your foot," "step up," and "scoot over"? Check. Regular grooming, a well-fitted wardrobe, and daily ear massages? Check. Twice- or thrice-weekly outings on beautiful and varied terrain with full consideration given to my lack of physical fitness? Check. Opportunities to Surmount Objects, investigate Mysterious Things, and nibble Tender Grasses? Check. Regular visitations by the helmeted larval children, the happy oompa-loompas of my little kingdom? Check. I think I like this life.

Yours,

Fenway Bartholomule

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Here are the Cloud Dog's X-Rays

Here, for your edification, are the X-rays of dear Paisley's leg. There is, apparently, no new break (since his Monday siezure) but there is, of course, a great deal of abnormality caused by years of living with a shortened ulna. His pronounced lameness, the vet says, may temporarily improve. Unlike me, Fenway Bartholomule, poor cloud dog can't expect much in the way of a full recovery. Not having the $$$$ for surgery to fuse the joint, we are working on making some sort of rigid splint to support the limb and prevent further degeneration. That is, the humans (with their space-age material inventions and their opposable thumbs) are working on making a splint; I am working on giving cloud dog brayful looks of support and encouragement every time he totters into the yard to relieve himself. As always, he fears me (me?!) and keeps his distance. Ears to you, Fenway

Continued . . .

Vegan Spring Rolls

I, Fenway Bartholomule, am a vegan: of course I only eat plants, not people! My human is too, so I'm sharing my blog with her today so that she can participate in the 2014 Virtual Vegan Potluck ! When you're done perusing the recipe for these delicious spring rolls, click "back" or "forward" for the entire potluck experience! Virtual Vegan Potluck: Spring Roll Appetizers Beautiful? Check. Healthy? Check. Delicious? Check. Easy? Check. Fancy? Check. Quick to clean up after? Check. Vegan? OF COURSE! If you're looking for something portable, colorful, and crowd-pleasing for your next potluck, look no further than these simple vegan spring rolls! The best part? You can substitute ANYTHING. I never make these the same way twice, so play around with cilantro, kale, cabbage, scallions, or whatever you think sounds good! Ingredients Veggie mix: 2 carrots (grated) 4 oz mung bean sprouts 1/3 cup chopped peanuts (raw, or roasted and salted) or ...

Continued . . .

Stripey schemes and meadow dreams

As you may recall, I am the proud resident of a very charming little barn—some might call it a shed—which shelters me in the winter from rain, and in the summer from sun. This spring Farmwife and Farmhusband decided it should be painted. Green, suggested Farmwife. Red, suggested Farmhusband. Teal, suggested Farmwife. Yellow, suggested Farmhusband. Stripey, suggested Farmwife? She was thinking of a retro Chevy squarebody (a quick Google search will show you what I mean), but didn't quite know how to make that practical on boards and battons. Farmhusband, who is a wizard, not only figured how how the stripes ought to go, but also arranged for the painting to be done. What I ended up with, almost in the blink of an eye, is the brightest, most cheerful, stripeavaganza of a barn. Even the neighbors are fond of it! In front of the barn is a vast expanse of grass which I am not allowed to sample on account of my laminitis. Not only is Farmwife opposed to letting me eat...

Continued . . .

A List

FarmWife has a to-do list, and "Ride the Mule" is sadly absent. The best thing on the list is "Muck out the Paddock," during which time I can enjoy the pleasure of her delightful company. The worst thing on the list is "clean the house," which is sure to take hours and hours which would be better spent rubbing my splendiferous ears. There's hardly even time for blogging on my transcriptionist's agenda, so I'll keep this short. Here, before I go, is the view from FarmWife's bedroom window at various levels of zoom: Your friend, Fenway

Continued . . .

BRAYS OF OUR LIVES

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