BRAYS OF OUR LIVES

I was pleased to see a goat related comment on my website this week, and I would like to give a brief description of a few common goat breeds for those who are interested in obtaining their own cloven-hooved companions. Saanens: These are our sorts of goats. They are always white (though they can carry a recessive gene for color: colored offspring are registerable as Sables, in a seperate herdbook). They are famous for having abundant milk, large frames, and docile temperaments, but no one ever mentions their wonderful dancing ability* or the fact that their offspring look little angels from heaven, complete with wings and halos. Toggenburgs: These handsome Swiss goats are robust and opinionated, and their milk is valued for cheesemaking. They have a wonderful brownish color scheme that would compliment almost any horse or mule color except possibly sorrel. Oberhaslis: These medium-sized chamois colored dairy goats are very attractive, which is a silly reason to choose a pet b...

FenBar's Top Five Dream Jobs for Mules and Other Equines: 5. Movie Star.  I could handle some peanut butter on the palate and a piece of thread under my lip if it meant that, in my efforts to dislodge them, I was promoted to international stardom as a "talking" celebrity. I'd love the riches, dames (not that Katie Scarlett isn't woman enough for me!), telephone privileges, and getting to have a say in things like where to go on vacation and how to end the Iraq war.  4. Livestock Guardian. Assuming the presence of a responsible human herdsman to look after things like hoof care, proper nutrition, and administration of pop tarts and scritchy-scratchies, I would totally dig spending my days grazing in a pastoral meadow with a herd of adorably fluffy little cloud-creatures. Scarin' off a wolf now and then would just be the icing on the cake.   (Art by Thomas Sydney Cooper.) 3. Celebrity Blogger. I'm getting there . . . I'm ab...

Hello Fenway, my name is Doc and I’m an 8 year old john mule.  I recently selected a human named Gerry to be my caretaker and all around man servant. Gerry hasn’t required much retraining and I think I’ll keep him. However, Gerry, a male human btw, has been talking about a “roach clip” lately…and I don’t think he’s talking about something my mom’s human used to employ back in the day. (Mom was an Appy- that explains everything doesn’t it.) Anyway, I’m a little concerned about this roach clip talk as right now I have a mane of about 4-5 inches long. I will admit my coif isn’t very stylish, but I think it has a lovely wind blown, sexy look to it.  My human, is somewhat hair challenged and I’m concerned he wants to roach clip me so we look more alike- honestly what can he be thinking!  Anyway, I digress, what do you think of this roaching idea?   Oh, I’m attaching a photo of myself, because I’m sure you’d like the opportunity to admire me, please ignore tha...

We raise good goats here at Bent Barrow Farm. I know, I know, Jasper Jules is a bit of a tool, but he and Missy, Empress of All that the Light Touches, really are sweet. It is not just the fact that they are my only hooved companions in this world that makes me say that, either. The following advice can be applied to just about anything, really . . . larval humans, baby puppies, little tigers, mule foals, whatever. Raising goats are what we do best here at Bent Barrow Farm, though, excepting of course Blogging and Braying, and so that is where we shall begin. 1.Good stock. Look for the nicest registered doe your humans can afford, with the traits you want (in this family, the humans' priorities are 1. good temperament, 1a. good mule companionship, 2. good health, 3. good milk flavor, 4. good conformation, 5. good bloodlines, and 6. good milk volume). Don't let them buy a buck, because bucks, like stallions and jacks, are a hassle to own unless you have exceptional fac...

An apology: FarmWife has been quite busy, transcriptionist tied up. Desert sheik's steed— Nostrils and eyes all agog, Master of the spook. Justin Morgan had A horse to beat all horses Foundation type, please! Ich bin fancy horse Ich cost such many dollars Trainer rides me first Cute as pie and strong With a rockin' mohawk, dude Don't call Fjords ponies. Thin grade stud for sale Homozygous cremello Butt high but who cares? Bought out of a field Flown across the sea and bathed Now poops gilded turds. We fret and fuss, true. We are honest, though, and brave And our hearts are huge. Breeding halter foals Giant butts and tiny feet Ruining good stock. Shines in the showring An American sporthorse? Good brains, weird toplines.

Dear Readers, You must know by now that I love Bent Barrow Farm and that my FarmWife does to. It has not been born overnight, believe you me, and it is not finished by any stretch of the imagination. It is, however, coming along nicely and is a most suitable kingdom for a celebrity mule like me, Fenway Bartholomule. I haven't lived at Bent Barrow Farm forever, and neither has the FarmWife. In fact, just a few years ago I lived in an adjacent pasture and could see nothing here next to this little green house but overgrown fields of weeds interspersed with heaps of twisted metal. Smoking barrels of putrid garbage, broken windows and mangled vehicles, and heaps of oysters (oysters!) littered the ground. It was not what I would have hoped for had I known it would be my future home, but to the Joneses it appeared as a diamond in the rough. The FarmWife and Mr. Jones were, like most humans, shopping on a budget when they endeavored to find a farm of their own. They were happy t...

Brown Fenny  By Fenway Bartholomule, with creative assistance from William Butler Yeats. She whispered, 'I am too broke,' And then, 'my mom can loan me dough'; Wherefore she bought a Fenny Again that she might ride. 'Go and ride, go and ride, FarmWife, If the mule be brave and smart.' I'm Fenny, brown Fenny, brown Fenny, She is looped in the loops of my heart. O mules are the darnedest things, There is nobody wise enough To find out all that is in us. FarmWife will be thinking of me Till the stars have run away And the shadows eaten the moon. I'm Fenny, brown Fenny, brown Fenny, One cannot go riding too soon.

In Wickersham did Mr. Jones A stately mini-farm decree:  Where trains along the steel tracks ran Twice daily by the normal plan Below the sunless scree.  There, one green acre of fertile ground with woven wire was girdled round: And there were gardens bright with sinuous weeds, where blossomed even an apple-bearing tree: And here were forests logged upon the hills,  Enfolding riding spots midst greenery. But oh! That deep romantic bray which echoed Across the green hills all fir and cedar covered! A merry voice! As pretty and enchanting As e'er beneath a waning moon was sounded By horse or woman or donkey or another.  So near this farmlet, with ceaseless gorgeous braying, The neighbor's mule with his voice begged for haying,  A mighty voice the wife of Mr. Jones heard, and which compelled her to say, "dear, let's grow our herd." And so began in intermittent bursts huge daydreams of obtaining that half-horse And o'er several years the F...

Art by Raymond L. Jordan Dear Readers, There is a handsome cattle baby in our garden this morning, and despite a strong urge to secret him away to a green pasture of lifelong contentment, my law-abiding FarmWife was forced to notify our carnivorous neighbors of his location this morning. The very sad thing is that, when we would like to make him into a friend, they would like to make him into a hot sandwich. They call him Burger, though my larval human friends have christened him Jeffrey. He answers better to the latter. While we dwell upon the balance between the moral tug of our vegetarian philosophy and the neighborly obligation towards respectful behavior, I will take these moments to distract my poor empathetic FarmWife from the cute cattle baby on her lawn with some amazing balancing feats going on on elsewhere in the world. I, Fenway Bartholomule, have witnessed our very own Failure Dog, Citizen #10 (this is an Australian Cattle Dog who is afraid of cattle, and of goat...