Skip to main content

Reprinted from the Brayer


So much has changed since I last wrote column for the Brayer two months ago! I tried to get in shape for camping, and my hock went kablooey again, and I was retired from strenuous activity altogether, and Schneider's Saddlery heard about my hydration woes and sent me this wonderful bucket for wintertime sipping: http://www.sstack.com/water-buckets-waterers/16-gallon-heated-tub/. 

Here, anyway, is the column I wrote two months ago. I was so young, so naive, so innocent then! 


The Bold and the Brayful
A column by Fenway Bartholomule

Trips and Sips: thoughts on staying hydrated

You may remember that I am good at about a thousand things. Among them: steering my goats hither and thither with assertiveness but without cruelty, turning a little bit of hay into a lot of tummy, summiting precipitous slopes, filling my neighborhood with the joyful noise of my resounding bray, and warming the cockles of my human's heart.

I am also terribly good at camping, which I proved two homes ago when I carried my very big owner all the way into the woods and carried his very big dead elk all the way out again. FarmWife promises me that I can go camping with her this year, and that there will be no elk to carry. Maybe a sleeping bag, she says. Maybe a little girl. You see, when FarmWife and I go camping we will also have a FarmHusband and three little girls along for company.

FarmWife and I live in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, which means we're usually pretty soggy from October through June but we're rewarded, in July and August, with the greenest and most amazing world a mule could possibly ask for. I'm good at snacking upon the great green world and at traveling through it with surefooted majesty, but FarmWife says I need to get my drinking problem under control before we hit the trail. My drinking problem, despite what you think, is not overindulgence: I drink rather little, you see. I drink a couple of gallons a day, and FarmWife says that a great big fellow like me surely needs more than that to maintain life. I hardly drink at all when I'm away from home, or when the weather is cold, or when the weather is hot, or when anything is funny at all, and so FarmWife says I am going to have to start eating my hay soaked. “Hydration,” she says, “is of the utmost importance.” This, coming from a woman who gets 80% of her fluids from coffee and the other 20% from soup.

I have decided to petition for alternative beverages, and have put in an order for apple juice, cranberry juice cocktail, and a double tall iced soy mocha. FarmWife says her plan for quenching my thirst involves soggy grass hay in a water-filled trash can, so we have some negotiating to do. I'll let you know how that goes.

Ears to you,
Fenway Bartholomule
www.braysofourlives.com

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!

Popular Posts

Here are the Cloud Dog's X-Rays

Here, for your edification, are the X-rays of dear Paisley's leg. There is, apparently, no new break (since his Monday siezure) but there is, of course, a great deal of abnormality caused by years of living with a shortened ulna. His pronounced lameness, the vet says, may temporarily improve. Unlike me, Fenway Bartholomule, poor cloud dog can't expect much in the way of a full recovery.   Not having the $$$$ for surgery to fuse the joint, we are working on making some sort of rigid splint to support the limb and prevent further degeneration. That is, the humans (with their space-age material inventions and their opposable thumbs) are working on making a splint; I am working on giving cloud dog brayful looks of support and encouragement every time he totters into the yard to relieve himself. As always, he fears me (me?!) and keeps his distance.  Ears to you,  Fenway
2 comments
Continued . . .

Vegan Spring Rolls

I, Fenway Bartholomule, am a vegan: of course I only eat plants, not people! My human is too, so I'm sharing my blog with her today so that she can participate in the 2014 Virtual Vegan Potluck ! When you're done perusing the recipe for these delicious spring rolls, click "back" or "forward" for the entire potluck experience! Virtual Vegan Potluck: Spring Roll Appetizers Beautiful? Check. Healthy? Check. Delicious? Check. Easy? Check. Fancy? Check. Quick to clean up after? Check. Vegan? OF COURSE! If you're looking for something portable, colorful, and crowd-pleasing for your next potluck, look no further than these simple vegan spring rolls! The best part? You can substitute ANYTHING. I never make these the same way twice, so play around with cilantro, kale, cabbage, scallions, or whatever you think sounds good! Ingredients Veggie mix: 2 carrots (grated) 4 oz mung bean sprouts 1/3 cup chopped peanuts (raw, or roasted and salted) or ...
11 comments
Continued . . .

2025 State of the Farmlet Address

A red stag photographed by Farmwife in Scotland, from whence the family descends and to where they voyaged in September 2024.  Dear Mules and Countrywomen,  It is my pleasure to report to you today, from my forested vantage point, that the Farmlet is well.  It has been eight years since my family had a Farmlet to report upon, and this one is among the best. It is 25 minutes south of Casa de Bartholomule-Teaspoon, where you may remember the family lived for a time, and situated on the same verdant island. It is 120 minutes south of Bent Barrow Farm, where the ancient rhododendron still blooms and where FenBar's old barn of many colors still stands and shelters farm machinery. This place has rhododendrons, too, encircling a lawn which slopes down to my barn and paddock. We call the barn Hoofhouse, and it is going to be painted black in the spring to match the house and my companion, Puck.  My paddock, by design, does not overlap the lawn but instead winds through a mix...
Post a Comment
Continued . . .

Catastrophy

This is the emergency broadcast system. This is not a test. I was going to entertain you with more haiku today, but something terrible has happened. I need your support. Today was supposed to be a regular spa day—a nice little hoofie trim, a fresh mane roach, an ear massage, and a handful of sunflower seeds (for shine). Instead of merely taking care of my beauty routine, however, FarmWife spent a full hour in contemplation of and attention to my overall physique. The upshot? A revision of my condition from Plump to Obese. (Her actual words, upon removing my blanket for the first time in a few days, were "Oh my God! You've ballooned!") She has decided that my fatness has become a health risk, and has resolved to exercise me as often as possible. It gets dark at 4:30. Her husband gets home at 5:30. She has small children and no sitter. This, my friends, means that I will end up being longed. Longed at the end of a stupid, smelly old rope. Forced to walk and trot...
14 comments
Continued . . .