BRAYS OF OUR LIVES

Donkey, Zebra, Zony, Zorse, Wild, Feral, Warmblood Horse, Draft Mule, Fast Mule, Little one, Pony, Phony, Freshly Born, Assy, Sassy, Unicorn.

This is the sort of man I married—the sort of man who gets up, uncomplaining, to the 5:30 alarm; who lets the chickens out and goes to work; who works ten hours, drives nearly two, and comes home, uncomplaining, to a raucous bunch of tired daughters; who feeds them, plays with them, cleans them, reads to them; who gathers eggs and weeds the garden, mends fences and turns compost, builds and fixes and cleans and works 'til dusk and then beyond; who kisses our babies good night and then washes the dishes, balances the checkbook, folds the laundry, and shuts the chickens in safe against the possums. He doesn't do it all alone—I do what I can, and there are certainly days when part-time employment and full-time motherhood feel just as exhausting as his 40-hour work week—but he does do it all. You've heard of the seven-year itch, I'm sure—the age at which a marriage is supposed to start feeling stale, when couples get a little antsy with each other, with monogamy, with the b...

I've been gettin' stuff left and right this week, and I'm digging it! I'm not normally a material mule, but I can't help but enjoy the extra ear capacity of my new draft sized browband; the marketing potential of my new BUMPER STICKERS AND MAGNETS; and the promise of a cushioned trail with my new Easyboot Bares. I'm going to have FarmWife put my old Epics on the back, where they fit nicely, and try some Bares on the front, where the fit of a size 0 is perfect enough for Goldilocks! They're on order now, and should be here soon. It's like Christmas in August. I'll get you pictures when I can. 'Til then, FarmWife's booting me off—she needs the computer that she might work. (Someone's got to pay for this stuff, I suppose!) Ears to you! Fenway Bartholomule

You may recall that I, Fenway Bartholomule, am returning to work after a summer off for my (now resolved) mysterious hock swelling. With my comeback, and because of my voluptuous figure, I am temporarily abstaining from work on concussive surfaces, difficult footing, and precipitous slopes. Unfortunately, my local trails—lovely and abundant though they may be—are comprised mostly of concussive surfaces . . . and difficult footing . . . and precipitous slopes. Today, FarmWife hitched up the trailer and took me ten minutes down yonder highway to the lovely and thoroughly tamed Cascade Trail, a wide, flat, well-groomed thoroughfare by which walkers, cyclists and equestrians might traverse Skagit county. It was just perfect! Flat as a pancake, beautifully-textured, well maintained, and sparsely dotted with courteous cyclists and perambulators. Along trailside, placid bovines bore quiet witness to our passage, lending to the morning's overall quality of reflective serenity. ...

We, the Wickershamians of Bent Barrow Farm, were visited this week by our first ever through-hiker from the Pacific Northwest Trail . The PNT, a recently designated National Scenic Trail, passes right under my silky brown nose! This fellow, having hiked from nearby Bellingham Bay, filled his water bottles at our spigot before continuing towards his final destination—Montana. I envy him, slightly . . . I hear the meadows there are delicious this time of year. As for equines and the rules governing their presence, each segment of the trail is subject to local regulations. This means that, now and for the forseeable future, most parts are probably open to hooved traffic. As for whether I, Fenway Bartholomule, could legally and practically traverse the breadth of the Western States from my very own yard, I am not quite sure. Perhaps some one of you—someone with a free human, perhaps, and no larval children in the home—could ride it first? Perhaps you could let me know how it is? Whethe...

That's my larval human #1 on the cover of that thar' magazine! http://foothillsgazette.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Gazette-Vol-5-22.pdf  Way to go, pig, as well. I wish we knew your name. Ears to you, Fenway

Bumper stickers and magnets are coming! Here's the image (click to enlarge, but please ignore the weird line in the middle as it won't appear in the final copy): and as for shirts . . .  How's this for the back. For the front left, some text . . . help me choose! I  ♥ FENWAY BARTHOLOMULE or WWFD? or EARS TO YOU or HALF ASS AND PROUD or SHINE Now, as for shirt color . . . I think charcoal would look nice. Other options include chocolate, tan, black, forest, military green, navy, pale blue, or just about anything else you can think of, but we're going to have to agree on something before I place this order. (It's hard enough convincing the sales guy to deal with me, a mule . . . harder if I can't be decisive!) I'd also be grateful if you'd let me know how I'm doing on sizing—I'm thinking mostly small, medium and large with a handful of Youth Small and Youth Medium, a handful of Youth Extra Small, a handful ...

Cupcakes by Bella Cupcake Couture As much as I am a skeptical agnostic with both feet firmly grounded in reality—and as much as I have never been, in all my life, the slightest bit superstitious—I have to admit that my wishes seem to be manifesting themselves lately.  A small example—at work, I sometimes get to thinking. Sometimes, I get to thinking about doughnuts. Sometimes, cakes. But regardless, when I get to thinking that I simply MUST have something sweet—I simply must, or else I'll die—then NO MATTER WHAT, and EVERY TIME, something sweet shows up. I get to wanting a doughnut, and five minutes later someone drops in with two dozen. I get to imagining a cake, a cake with lots of frosting, and out I go to the kitchen fifteen minutes later to find 40 delicious oversized cupcakes. It's a funny sort of magic, this magical ability to predict desserts, because sometimes I even predict desserts that I don't particularly relish on an ordinary day. Most times, frosting really i...

Keeping in mind that these designs will be modified to suit a variety of shirt-colors, do you like this concept? What are your thoughts on fonts? Too artsy, just right? T-shirt design proposal 1: design proposal 1a: Design proposal 1b:

One pretty face, beautiful and bright Two lovely ears, shining in the light Three paddock friends—two white, one brown Four solid hooves, with Easyboots all 'round Five pounds of hay twice a day—that's all I eat! Six are the days when my FarmWife's home each week Seven mornings every week you'll hear my trilling bray, Eight weeks off since my hock did swell one day. Nine lives for me, I hope, and for my tigers too . . . Ten stars for you, my fans—you're dear. Now, ears to you! FB

Print by Marnon  http://www.marnon.etsy.com Adorable Animal Beautiful Beast Charming Companion Devoted Diner Exquisite Equine Faithful Friend Good Guy Hybrid Hero Illuminated Individual Joyful John Kind Kid Lovable Lad Magnificent Mount Nifty Neddy Oxyphonic Orator Proud Prancer Quotatious Quadruped Riveting Raconteur Shining Sage Terrific Tetrapod Undaunted Ululator Volitient Voyager Witty Writer X-rayed Xenodochialist Youthful Yankee Zaftig Zenmule

"I can't," he said. "I'm too shy." "You can," I told him. "You'll be delicious." "Oh, OK."  . . . . gulp . . . . he tasted GREAT.

Art by Brian Simons  www.BrianSimons.com I delighted my husband this week with my statement—over our one-working-burner electric stove—that I would rather have a new gas range than a mule carriage. It would, he concurred, get more use. He, on the same day, delighted me by stating that he would one day like to own a Highland steer. I'd like that, too . . . I love bovines, and dream of owning one. The range may come before the steer, and in a remarkably mature moment I actually find myself hoping it does! Everything's coming up roses for me lately (and no, I'm not just saying that because a new stove and a someday-future-calf lie in my future). I have received a wholehearted YES! from the artist mentioned in last week's post, and we are well on our way to publishing our collaboration. I'm applying for an ISBN number, looking into filing a copy with the Library of Congress, and crunching numbers for my very kind father/investor, who's helping with the cost of this...

From Alpacapillars to Zinnias, the Lynden fair was all that and then some. My humans report a good day had by all; no mule sightings, unfortunately, though there was a lovely mini-donk named Buckles in the petting zoo area. (In the image below, he tastes Larval Human #1's zipper pull. No fingers were threatened during the making of  this photograph). FarmWife brought home a bag of   ♥ NICKER DOODLES  ♥  brand mule cookies (ingredients: whole wheat flower, wheat bran, fresh carrots, and molasses). They were a present from Horses at Heart , a Whatcom county non-profit horse rescue.  Here are a few photos from the day.