Skip to main content

Five things FarmWife can't ignore

FarmWife has been ridiculously busy. ("But Fenway," she says, "you won't have a rain blanket for Christmas if I don't earn money.") She's never too busy to feed me, of course, but she is sometimes too busy to come sit in the pasture for a chat or walk me down to the salmon pond for a roll on the sandy bank. I've had to get creative, and I've found at least five surefire ways to get a bit of a visit at feeding time.

1) A poopy water trough. I can't bring myself to do it, but my minions (read: goats) are always willing to toss some raisins in the drink if it helps gain FarmWife's notice. This is usually good for four minutes, give or take, of FarmWife's presence as she scrubs the bucket.

2) A mucky shed. I used to poop outside on Mount Bartholomule, which could be neglected for days at a time in between removals to the compost pile. I recently realized, however, that FarmWife mucks out our habitations Every Single Day if we only spread our poop around sufficiently. I now poop right next to the manger, where she can't bear to leave it, and it's good for ten minutes of her company each morning if I grind it in a bit with my hoofies.

3) A mournful bray. This still gets her, every time. FarmWife is hearing impaired, which means she cannot always hear her children crying or her husband calling her name. Somehow her brain is hardwired to pick up the distinct undulations of her beloved mule's song, however, and it always gets her into her boots and out the door.

4) An injury. I summoned her psychically that one time, you remember, and then there was another time when I had a scrape on my flank and she spent five minutes putting soothing balms upon it instead of leaving on time for some important social engagement. I'm still #1 in her book!

5) A playful romp. When FarmWife's really in a hurry, she tosses my hay and wheels back towards the house. Sometimes I can lure her in for a side-by-side jog around the paddock and some wither-scritches by doing a prancy-dancy approach. If I come trotting up, flagging my tail and cavorting sideways, only to screetch to a halt and whuffle softly to her, it breaks her heart so wonderfully that all of her appointments and obligations and scheduled work projects fall out of it onto the floor and she gets distracted for a good half hour.

I'm not her only obligation, it's true. I'm just her best one.

Ears to you,
Fenway Bartholomule






Comments

  1. shadowlake2005October 28, 2011 at 7:30 AM

    Will you be giving lessons in especially endearing foolishness, & if so where does my Josie sign up?

    ReplyDelete
  2. shadowlake2005October 28, 2011 at 7:33 AM

    MULISHNESS! endearing MULISHNESS!! (thanks Auto Correct)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!

Popular Posts

Here are the Cloud Dog's X-Rays

Here, for your edification, are the X-rays of dear Paisley's leg. There is, apparently, no new break (since his Monday siezure) but there is, of course, a great deal of abnormality caused by years of living with a shortened ulna. His pronounced lameness, the vet says, may temporarily improve. Unlike me, Fenway Bartholomule, poor cloud dog can't expect much in the way of a full recovery.   Not having the $$$$ for surgery to fuse the joint, we are working on making some sort of rigid splint to support the limb and prevent further degeneration. That is, the humans (with their space-age material inventions and their opposable thumbs) are working on making a splint; I am working on giving cloud dog brayful looks of support and encouragement every time he totters into the yard to relieve himself. As always, he fears me (me?!) and keeps his distance.  Ears to you,  Fenway
2 comments
Continued . . .

Vegan Spring Rolls

I, Fenway Bartholomule, am a vegan: of course I only eat plants, not people! My human is too, so I'm sharing my blog with her today so that she can participate in the 2014 Virtual Vegan Potluck ! When you're done perusing the recipe for these delicious spring rolls, click "back" or "forward" for the entire potluck experience! Virtual Vegan Potluck: Spring Roll Appetizers Beautiful? Check. Healthy? Check. Delicious? Check. Easy? Check. Fancy? Check. Quick to clean up after? Check. Vegan? OF COURSE! If you're looking for something portable, colorful, and crowd-pleasing for your next potluck, look no further than these simple vegan spring rolls! The best part? You can substitute ANYTHING. I never make these the same way twice, so play around with cilantro, kale, cabbage, scallions, or whatever you think sounds good! Ingredients Veggie mix: 2 carrots (grated) 4 oz mung bean sprouts 1/3 cup chopped peanuts (raw, or roasted and salted) or ...
11 comments
Continued . . .

2025 State of the Farmlet Address

A red stag photographed by Farmwife in Scotland, from whence the family descends and to where they voyaged in September 2024.  Dear Mules and Countrywomen,  It is my pleasure to report to you today, from my forested vantage point, that the Farmlet is well.  It has been eight years since my family had a Farmlet to report upon, and this one is among the best. It is 25 minutes south of Casa de Bartholomule-Teaspoon, where you may remember the family lived for a time, and situated on the same verdant island. It is 120 minutes south of Bent Barrow Farm, where the ancient rhododendron still blooms and where FenBar's old barn of many colors still stands and shelters farm machinery. This place has rhododendrons, too, encircling a lawn which slopes down to my barn and paddock. We call the barn Hoofhouse, and it is going to be painted black in the spring to match the house and my companion, Puck.  My paddock, by design, does not overlap the lawn but instead winds through a mix...
Post a Comment
Continued . . .

Catastrophy

This is the emergency broadcast system. This is not a test. I was going to entertain you with more haiku today, but something terrible has happened. I need your support. Today was supposed to be a regular spa day—a nice little hoofie trim, a fresh mane roach, an ear massage, and a handful of sunflower seeds (for shine). Instead of merely taking care of my beauty routine, however, FarmWife spent a full hour in contemplation of and attention to my overall physique. The upshot? A revision of my condition from Plump to Obese. (Her actual words, upon removing my blanket for the first time in a few days, were "Oh my God! You've ballooned!") She has decided that my fatness has become a health risk, and has resolved to exercise me as often as possible. It gets dark at 4:30. Her husband gets home at 5:30. She has small children and no sitter. This, my friends, means that I will end up being longed. Longed at the end of a stupid, smelly old rope. Forced to walk and trot...
14 comments
Continued . . .