This Mule's Got Thick Skin

On this lovely day after Valentine's day, I would like to nominate for honorary muleness this dear friend-of-a-friend, Attila the tortoise. The accompanying photo shows Attila in his role as ring bearer at the wedding of his human guardians, demonstrating that slow and steady brings the bling, charms the guests, and wins the race.

Tilly's got a problem, folks, and his problem is that his adoring and conscientious humans are planning a move abroad. Unfortunately, 80 pound tortoises can't fly coach. This decision, which was not made lightly, means that Attila is being offered for long term placement in only the most wonderful of homes. He needs hay, safe turnout, daily checks, clean water, and . . . well, basically all the things that any other mule needs, except on a smaller scale. Oh, and a heat lamp, because unlike a Clydesdale, he is truly cold-blooded. In exchange, he offers an abundance of reptilian intelligence, discerning character, slow-mo antics, and a radical shell that more than makes up for his sad lack of external ears. N. and L., his respective FarmWife and FarmHusband, are living in Western Washington and hope to help him get set up in a new home.

Attila's stoic confidence and charming demeanor qualify him, hooves down, for the title of Honorary Mule. It is with great pride and mulish affection that I present to you His Honorary Muleness, Attila the Tortoise.

(Clap hooves).

Fenway Bartholomule

Excerpted from Attila's Fan Page:   


"Atilla the Tortoise needs someone to look after him for the next 5 to10 years. He is a non-biting, 10-year-old, 80lb-and-growing Sulcata tortoise (also known as an African spurred thigh tortoise). We took him in a few years ago and have had a lot of fun getting to know this guy. As we're looking to make a big move- and possibly several more subsequently- we know that he'll be happier in a stable home. Our hope is to have him back with us at some point, so we're looking for some special folks to assume Attila Guardianship for a good length of time, with the knowledge they won't have to have him forever.

What he needs:
• A place to roam (solid fenced grass pasture of a half acre or more- we can help build the fence)
•His very own warm and toasty house (we will provide this)
•A constant supply of power to heat his house (so this means either a generator or the willingness AND ability to bring him inside the house when winter power outages occur ...)
•Someone to check on him every single night to make sure he is back inside before nightfall, that his house is warm and that everything is in order.
•The occasional bath in a wading pool outside
•Lots of chemical free grass, a bale of grass hay per year ,and treats every now and again
•An occasional vet visit

What does he offer?
•Lots of funny tortoise attitude, lawn mowing, the chance to just sloooow down to tortoise time, the guaranteed delight of every child (and, let's be honest, every adult) that comes your way, and the wonder of sharing your life with a being that, if he is properly taken care of, is going to outlive you. Plus, he loves playing dress-up.

If you ...
•Are really excited about the idea of a huge tortoise
•Have the physical means of lifting him
•Have the financial means to spend up to $500 per year on tortoise heating and other expenses
•Are able to commit to having him be checked on every single day of the year, without exception
•Are in a stable living situation for at least the next 5 years

… then you might be the special person for this particular tortoise, and we can't wait to talk to you!"