|Art by Sue Kroll|
I point out that I am 17 and he his 9, which makes me not-quite-but-almost twice as deserving of an old-people mattress as him!
She points out that I am vigorous and spry.
I point out that I am big, and that bigness makes people get pressure sores sometimes.
She points out that I stand for 23 out of every 24 hours, and that she has never seen a mule with skin as healthy as my skin, and that I have built-in extra-squishy mattress thingies all over my body in the form of fat deposits. (Yes, I'm still on a diet, and yes, I'm still more voluptuous than slim.)
I point out that even cows get mattresses: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU8_A_EIwAs.
She points out that most of those cows would happily trade their mattress for my freedom: http://www.braysofourlives.com/2011/06/whee.html.
We've compromised: she's got a line on a truckload of shredded bark for my shed. She promises I'll like it.