Thursday, September 23, 2010
Are You Man, Mule, or Goat?
1) Do you have thumbs?
c-NOT OPPOSABLE ONES
2) Which of the following is most likely to kill you?
a-HEART DISEASE, CANCER, OR AN AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENT
b-AN OLD TIRE, THE LINES ON THE ROAD, OR A SUSPICIOUS PUDDLE
c-A BLOCKED URETHRA
3) When faced with a large pile of dried vegetative matter, you—
a-BURN, COMPOST, OR SPREAD IT
c-ATTEMPT TO CLIMB IT
4) After exercising, you smell—
a-STICKY AND GROSS
b-DELICIOUS AND WONDERFUL
c-NO STRANGER THAN USUAL
5) Your favorite treat comes—
a-IN A CRINKLY PACKAGE, OUT OF THE OVEN, OR FROM A DRIVE-UP WINDOW
b-UP FROM THE DARK EARTH BY ITS LACY, DELICIOUS GREEN TOP
6) Your clothing is—
a-XXS, XS, M, L, XL, XL, 2XL, OR 3XL
b-MEASURED FROM CHEST TO RUMP AND MADE OF KEVLAR
c-TORN FROM THE NEAREST LAUNDRY LINE AND INGESTED
7) The non-food item most likely to be found in your mouth is—
8) To show affection, you—
a-HUG AND KISS
b-NUZZLE AND NIBBLE
c-BELCH IN THE FACE OF YOUR BELOVED
9) Your footwear choices include—
a-DRESS SHOES, SNEAKERS, AND SANDALS
b-EASYBOOTS, STEEL SHOES, ALUMINUM PLATES
c-THESE FEET ARE FAR TO BIZARRE TO COVER UP
10) The thing that excites you the most is—
a-YOUR MULE, TACKED UP AND READY TO RIDE
b-THE SIGHT OF SOMEONE BRINGING HAY
c-AN OPPORTUNITY TO BULLY, DOMINATE, OR OPPRESS A VISITOR
There! You're done! Now, tally your answers. If you chose mostly B, you can be proud. You're a mule! Now, go find some hay. If you chose mostly A, you're lucky! You're a human—and you may ride a mule. Go find one! If you chose mostly C, you're a goat. Keep striving for excellence, and please sutdy the behavior of your nearest equine that you may learn and grow.
If you offered a variety of answers, please seek advice from the nearest board-certified psychiatrist.
Ears to you,