Fugly Horse of the Day, is the annual SAFE show program. We missed it by a couple of days, and I haven't read the fine print on alternative equidae, but it would have been fun.
Look at that class list. Look closely. There it is, second column: "Bribe Your Horse."
Full disclosure: I'm not a horse. Otherwise, I'm perfect for this!
When FarmWife calls, I come running. When FarmWife jogs, I go jogging. When FarmWife runs away from me as fast as her scrawny legs will carry her, I surge and plunge beside her like The Black with his Alec. When she stops, I stop on a dime and snort regally in her general direction. When she wheels about, I wheel with her and take off in a new direction. When she sits, I cock a leg and rest beside her.
I do this because she is my friend, and my playmate, and my Lead Mare, but also because I occasionally meet with a delicious morsel at the end of such a romp. At the very least, I am guaranteed—by galloping with her to the end of the pasture and back— a thorough ear rub. If that's not bribery, I don't know what is!
In other news, I've got a very clear concept for my screenplay ("Brays Of Our Lives: Against the Tide.") I'll give you my casting proposals tomorrow, but in the meantime I'll just tell you that it is going to be FANTASTIC. Sort of a "Benji" meets "The Pelican Brief," with intrigue, deception, and a criminal coverup that only Fenway can blow open. Wait for it!
In the meantime—EARS TO YOU!