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Saturday, March 20, 2010

I May be Little, but I'm Iced Out

Well, depending on your feelings about ponies and bling, I have bad news and good news. Or good news, and bad news. Or bad and bad, or good and good. You decide.

First, the bling . . . my mother made me this beaded browband. It's not 100% finished, but good enough for my photo shoot! The best thing about it is that I, Fenway Bartholomule, love the color green. Green is grass and orchard grass hay, green is a meadow on a sunny day . . . green like clover, green like leaves, green is the color that looks best on me. FarmWife knows this about me, and that's why I know she loves me. If she didn't love me as much, she would have made this beaded browband in HER favorite color, which is blue and which is also very nice. 

Second, my height. Here goes folks—I'm puttin' it out there. I, Fenway Bartholomule, measure 14.075 hands. No, that's not FourteenPointSevenFive, which would be 14.3, of course. That is FourteenHandsAndAlmostAnInch. The tough thing about this is that it means I am really practically a pony, but the good thing about it is that when I finish my first 50 mile CTR at age 30-plus, the headlines will read, "Ancient, Diminutive International Celebrity Finishes at the Top of his Game." I like it. 

So, here is the wee Fenway in his bootiful new jewelry. I asked the photographer to emphasize my length of leg, and I think she's really captured my essence here. There is more to me than mere inches.

To those of you who love me even though I'm a little bit tiny, thank you. I love you too. To those of you who are horrified, get this: I have nipples on my sheath.

There! Now you've forgotten all about my height. All better.

Love,
Fenway Bartholomule.

10 comments:

  1. Oh dear Fenway, we will never be able to meet. You see, I have multiple versions of Mycrophobia: equusmycrophobia & homomycrophobia. Though I haven't had the pleasure of meeting a mule < 15 hands, the thought of it makes me nervous so I fear I may have mulusmycrophobia as well. I am able though to continue reading your blog without panic attacks.

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  2. Ahem.... exactly what is the problem with being dimutive? I am right now about 25 inches, a whole whopping 6.1 hands. My Momma loves me just the way I am and when I am a big girl I am going to learn how to pull a cart just like my bestest buddy Tony Pony. I maybe little but I am mighty, I am LAILA!!

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  3. I am the one with the problem. There is nothing wrong with being diminutive. My humans have worked with me extensively to overcome my fears. I am not afraid of larval humans or foals - just small adult humans and horses and ponies < 15 hands.

    You must understand that I am 16.3 hands and my gaze is usually focused about 7' above the ground. I believe the fear is caused by the diminutive's ability to appear out of nowhere - from behind grooming stall dividers, below the windows in the barn, etc...

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  4. Fenway, darling, everything that I've ever read about mules says that a 14H mule is about the toughest, truest, most marvelous creature one might encounter. Bonus - we female re-riders can actually get on a 14H mule and you're strong enough to haul us about and up and over obstacles requiring mulish surmounting. My own darling mule, Sadie, is over 15H, and let me tell you, Fenway dear - that's a long way down for this re-rider. 14H is sounding better all the time.

    As far as the rest -- LOL - TMI, TMI, my love!

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  5. just think of them as drip tips, like leaves that are rain resilient

    you might need to google that concept but green= leaves, get it???

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  6. Dear Little Big Red,

    Thank you for expressing your concerns, but my understanding is that auriculagrandiosis (magnificence of the ears, in layman's terms) is an effective antidote to equusmycrophobia, rendering mulusmycrophobia almost nonexistent. Lending a full two additional hands to my height, my ears would bring me well into your range of vision! The really great thing, though, is that in laying them back I would effectively don a cloak of invisibility, making possible all sorts of terribly mischievous plots and pranks. (Oh, dear. I, Fenway Bartholomule, appear to be thinking like a pony already!).

    Laila, if anyone ever gives you trouble for being little, you tell them that Fenway Bartholomule says you're GRAND.

    And Lady Mule Farrier, thank you for the encouragement. My second-to-last rider was a 300 pounder, according to available information, so I can attest to the strength of mules through personal experience. FarmWife may be long of limb, but she's not too much rider for me!

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  7. Upupaepops, I would think of them as drip tips, except that outside of botanical circles that sounds a little bit icky. Let's just ignore them altogether, shall we?

    http://longearsmall.com/mt/articles/mammothjackstock/archives/2007/10/anatomical_diff.html

    At least I am not the only guy out there with this little anatomical eccentricity!

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  8. Fenway, your new bling is quite lovely, and 14 hands or 15 hands, heck who's counting. You are spectacular!

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  9. FB you are a beauty of a boy. Bring on more bling! You have the panache to pull it off...

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Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!

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