FarmWife, like most post-hypnotic amnesiacs, denies any knowledge of having been affected thus by Bejeweled Blitz, but luckily her love for me is so great that she has deigned to submit to a moratorium at my request. Despite being a skeptical Agnostic, dear FarmWife has agreed that Lent, which commences tomorrow, Wednesday, shall mark the beginning of her hopefully permanent Bejeweled Blitz abstinence. Let us pray that we may yet still save her.
In the meantime, look out for the following signs of mind control in your own loved ones:
- Prolonged screen time, during which the user moves the mouse in erratic lateral and horizontal gestures while being auditorily stimulated with the sound of, "Zing! Pow! Sizzle, Sizzle, Zing!"
- A preoccupation with "The Leaderboard," a device which gives "players" the ability to monitor the status of other mind-control study subjects.
- A tendancy to mutter such phrases as, "detonator boost!" or "free multiplier!" in their sleep. These phrases may be hypnotically-programmed triggers for terrorist activity.
Be strong, my friends, and do not allow yourself to become a pawn in this secret agenda. Let us boycott Bejeweled Blitz, that the Muleness might prevail.