Friday, February 26, 2010
Four things that FarmWife will have to do without me
I love most of the activities for which FarmWife requests my company: pasture jogging, during which we cavort merrily together until her knee starts throbbing; trail riding, during which we surmount objects, explore ridges, locate scenic vistas, and skirt Satan's chickens; grooming, during which I ask FarmWife to pay particular attention to my ears and withers; road riding, during which we stick to the quiet byways and work on friendly, non-concussive things—things like lateral movements at the walk, stride adjustability at the walk, and improving our vocal range and intonation . . . . at the walk.
These are great activities, and they satisfy me to the fullest. FarmWife, on the other hand, has a few other equestrian goals with which I am afraid I cannot help.
Eccentricities of equipment aside, reining looks exhausting. Really. I'm all for stopping, but do I seriously have to work myself into a hand gallop before I do it? And all that spinning business. When it comes to lateral movements, I consider a spookless sidestep over the double yellow lines on Innis Creek Road to be the pinnacle of success. Beyond that, my side-to-side functionality boils down to one choice: Left at the fork in the trail, or right at the fork in the trail?
I will give FarmWife this—she knows that I am not fit, and she takes that into account when she limits our uphill travel to a moderate walk, and our trots and canters to about one minute in duration. Here's where her logic fails, though: she thinks fitness is all that stands between me and the Tevis Cup. I'd shake my head at this folly, but that would require exertion.
Working Equitation: This is a sport that I would certainly consider. On the one hoof, it requires a lot of cantering (not my strong suit). On the other, though, it involves the use of dapper period clothing, which I think I would wear well! Here's the big problem, though: I have been unable to find solid proof of my noble ancestry as a Pura Raza Española mule. Sad, I know. These Golega people are VERY exclusive, and unfortunately they refuse to accept my exemplary personal references and strong curriculum vitae in place of said proof of pedigree.
Trot, trot, circle, circle, trot, trot, circle, circle, bend, bend, circle, circle, forward, forward, straighten, straighten, relax, relax, trot, trot, flex the jaw, flex the jaw, circle, circle, trot, trot, relax, relax, forward, forward, trot, trot, circle, circle . . . . .. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.