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Monday, January 4, 2010

Two Things You Might Not Know About Me

And One Thing That You Probably Already Do Know. 


1. The singer I most resemble is Mandy Patinkin. This is because we are both handsome gentlemen; we both sing nicely but with a tendancy towards the shriller end of the spectrum; and we both have profiles tending more towards the convex. Other similarities: I would be intimidated by muppets, just like the villainous Huxley, if I met them. I would also be able to use a sword like Inigo Montoya if I had thumbs, because what I lack in thumbs I make up for in agility and wiles.

2. The nicknames that are commonly used for me include:
A. Mr. Grumbles. This is for when I am groaning while being girthed up. It is only for the FarmWife to use and I do not want to hear it from any of you, ever, unless you are willing to give me some pop tarts in exchange for name-calling privileges.
B. Ferris Muler. This is only for when I am being lazy and inattentive. None of you will ever find me being lazy and inattentive, because I only very occasionally permit myself this luxury.
C. FenBar the Barbarimule. This is for when I am very disheveled and less than perfectly groomed. I shall refrain from pointing out the obvious connection between the laxity of my groom, aka FarmWife, and the resulting condition in which she might find me after several hours of neglect.
D. Hungry Hungry Hippo. I am too embarrassed to go into detail about this humiliating moniker, but I will make no secret of the fact that I do occasionally exert pressure on the FarmWife in the form of desperate screams in order to beg for more hay.
E. Muleykins or Muley Baby. These are because the FarmWife loves me.

3. The thing I am best at other than being beautiful, sonorous, and clever is Surmounting Obstacles. This means that going up a precipitous slope presents me no challenge. It also means that no trailway blockage is too much for me. Within the limits of the FarmWife's judgement of safe leaping conditions, I can and will leap over absolutely anything in front of me, except when it is an obstacle designed to contain mules. I am very respectful that way.

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