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Thursday, January 7, 2010

Dear Fenway

Dear Fenway,

Nature shows on television say that when two bull moose compete for a lady moose, the one with the smaller antlers concedes to the other one. I can see how a moose can tell the size of his opponent's antlers, but how does he know how big his own are?

From,
A Canadian Friend

Dear Canadian Friend,



The answer to your wonderful question can be found by gazing deeply into these liquid eyes: 

The appearance of my stupendous ears in the moose's orbs is due to a phenomenon called reflection, which the little tigers tell me can be accomplished inside the house by use of a machine called a mirror. Yet another reason why I would like to go into the house, but that is another story. 

In the wild moose's case, an inspection of one's person can be made in a smooth lake (for those bulls who like to arrive prepared), in the eyes of the love object (for those bulls who like to try to get a little hanky panky before the showdown commences), or in the eyes of the opponent (for those bulls who have no sense of self-preservation). Only the unluckiest of moose makes a self-examination in the eyes of a mule, for he cannot help but go back to his tundra in shame after witnessing the awesome power of the Ears.  The photo subject at right is weeping in the toy bin as we speak. 

Best Wishes,
Fenway

1 comment:

  1. This from a reader at COTH, helping to substantiate my claim that I am the Best:

    "Ah, Fenway! You should be proud and boasting to all about your mule intelligence. Marilyn Vos Savant is some kind of smarty-pants, who is in the Guinness Book of World Records because of her genius IQ, and she didn't even TRY to answer that question.* I think you should apply for your own spot in the Guinness Book of World Records for "smartest mule".

    *That question was from her column in Parade Magazine a few years back. They had a list of some of the stupider or crazy questions that she gets asked, and that was one of them. I thought it was a fantastic question, and think it was a cop-out that she didn't answer! "

    ReplyDelete

Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!

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