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Saturday, January 2, 2010

A Creeping Threat

Celebrity Bloggers and Public Figures have special opportunities and special obligations, and today it is my obligation to issue a safety notice about an insidious threat in our community. 


Let me start by saying that I am an Intrepid and Brave mule. I can ford raging rivers, cross precarious bridges, summit challenging slopes, and look a bear in the eye without flinching. (Really, ask FarmWife!)


We mules are brave by nature. Our horse ancestors, who gave us our fleetness of hoof, used their strength and speed to escape predators on the steppes and prairies. Our donkey forefathers, who gave us our stoic sensibility, used their intelligence and insight to hide among the camouflaging rocks of their native canyons. This makes me a particular expert on the subject of safety. This is why you should listen when I say DON'T TOUCH THE LINES ON THE ROAD! They WILL kill you. 


I can do many things. I can go many places. I am not a weenie, nor am I a slacker. I just know deep in the cockles of my heart and bowels of my soul that touching those yellow and white lines is going to end in grief. 


Heeding my concern for personal safety, for the FarmWife as well as for myself, I have opted not to make a close examination of the lines. I have, therefore, only my instinct and my gut feeling upon which to rely. Together, the two things tell me that I can be pretty certain that there is a 99% chance that the lines will grab me by the snout in their teeth, wrap around me like a boa constrictor, and squeeze me until my tongue pops out. They will either do that or open into a bottomless abyss of raging hellfire. Definitely one or the other.


If FarmWife demands this sacrifice of me then I will give my life, and it is in the spirit of obedient devotion that I dare to cross the lines on our way to the trailhead each time we go out. I think, however, that if I can sway public opinion on this matter and convince a few of you to band with me in resistance of the Evil Lines, I may save both her life and my own in the process. 



I include a photo of the Evil Lines in order that my friends on the World Wide Web can identify and subdue this threat in their own lanes and avenues. Good luck, and be strong. May you obliterate the Lines before they obliterate you.(I recommend covering them with sod, a fabulous Line Eliminator/Yummy Snack combo! )




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